Lamb - Bonfire

Have you ever wondered why those days exist
When life just seems to be the conspiracy against you
I don`t know where the answers lie
But I try not to get hung up on the questions

I burn like a good bonfire
In whatever I do
I burn like a good bonfire
And I know I`ll come through

The time is long overdue for us
As cleaving all of our souls
We all get so complicated in our lives
When walking just walk, when sitting just sit when being just be
Above all don`t stray from your chosen path

Burn like a good bonfire
In whatever you do
Burn like a good bonfire
And I know you`ll come through

Burn like a good bonfire
In whatever you do
Burn like a good bonfire
And may peace come to you

The time is long overdue for us cleaving all of our souls
We all get so complicated in our lives

Burn like a good bonfire
In whatever you do
Just burn like a good bonfire
And I know you`ll come through

Burn like a good bonfire
In whatever you do
Burn like a good bonfire
And may strength flow through you

Incubus - The Warmth

I'd like to close my eyes, go numb
but there's a cold wind coming from
the top of the highest high-rise today.
It's not a breeze 'cause it blows hard.
Yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know,
watch the warmth blow away.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

So do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
and throw a wrench in spokes by
leaving the air behind me clear?

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you go.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

Before you grow old.
Where did it go?

Florence and the Machine - The Drumming Song & Howl

This chorus gives me chills every time I hear it.



There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you should hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

I ran to a tower where the church bells chime
I hoped that they would clear my mind
They left a ringing in my ear
But that drum's still beating loud and clear

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

I run to the river and dive straight in
I pray that the water will drown out the din
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
Till there's nothing left inside my soul
As empty as that beating drum
But the sound has just begun

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder




If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to

Howl, howl
Howl, howl

Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground

like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins
I want to find you tear out all your tenderness

And howl, howl
Howl, howl

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters

The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'd ground

And howl

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground

Small lessons on letting go

1. I have a billion CDs. It comes from my love affair with music, and the fact that I ran a music store for five years before the industry tanked. My attachment to these objects is one that has been unwavering for years. I was slow (compared to most) to move to digital music. Once I did, a few years ago, I painstakingly took months to convert everything I had on disc to digital format for our portable players. We then bought a house not long after, and since we moved in, all those CDs have mostly been in boxes in our laundry room. Rarely have any of them been used since. So finally, I opened up those boxes and called over friends to ransack it all. Take anything and everything. I have a big part of me that was very ready for this. The other part had a hard time giving them up. Although it is hard to part with them (and know that I am not really sentimental about objects, in general), three pretty wonderful things also happened:

A. This brought a lot of joy to my friends. I think they had fun rummaging, remembering lost gems and finding new curiosities since price was not a limiting factor. And I had fun seeing their joy.

B. Watching my friend Rick, with completely fresh ears, take stacks of CDs to try out on our neglected and lonely CD player. No real bias, no preconceived notions, just child-like curiosity. For a "music expert" such as myself, it made me ask myself, "When was the last time you listened to music like that?" With no real knowledge or pre-judgement on what is being heard. It was refreshing to see that his only criteria was listening, and based on whether he liked what he heard determined whether they made it into his keeper pile.

C. Simply rediscovering pieces of my older collection. Remembering why I had some of that stuff in the first place. Since I'm always on the hunt for something new, often I forget to go back to older works, mainly because there's limited time and drivespace. Lately, I've been using my party shuffle function when driving, and this has been fun--to see how things mix, to sometimes be surprised by a forgotten song, and to have some variety. Music is art, and art has a way of speaking to you differently during different times in your life. I kind of need to put the party shuffle on my older collection to see what might speak to me now.

2. Christin's mom is going all-in; she sold her house, is moving to D.C. and getting rid of a ton of stuff that are daily reminders of her childhood and adolescence. The generation before us, I think, generally has a greater attachment and sentimentality towards objects. Their parents might have had it harder, and their grandparents certainly did. People had to get by on what they had. They had to make their own things. They had to work and fight for what they had because there wasn't much to go around. She's tried for years to get us and the rest of her children to take things, but for the most part, we haven't been interested. For her, these things are memories, but to us, it's just stuff. It's been hard for her to understand that, and probably harder to finally let go of a lot of these objects. But she is. She's exhausted this week, but I think she will find it freeing once she's done with the task. And I'm impressed with her ability to jump head first into a new life and let go of the objects of her past despite how hard it's been for her this week.

3. Work is getting to me. We have a huge project going on to move our agency into the digital age, and pretty much from the beginning, it has not gone as we expected it would or think that it should. It is very hard for me to let go of this. It's causing many of us a lot of extra work, we're constantly behind (which makes me feel like I'm failing every day), and we're tired. Normally, when faced with situations like this, I just put my head down and plow through it. But this is a project that involves tons of interdependency. I'm not super great at relying on others to help me. Especially when we feel like we're not really getting the help we are asking for. I haven't been able to find a place for this yet. Usually Christin and I ride this supportive see-saw. One of us will be anxious/angry/frustrated/etc about it, while the other is more collected and unaffected. Then another day, we switch roles. It's exhausting. But I can't help but feel like some aspect of how I'm dealing with this is eluding me. And thus, causing more suffering than there needs to be. I'm aware, and I'm observing myself and searching for triggers, so hopefully I can continue to distance myself from the chaos of it. And. Just. Let. It. Go.

4. Christin and I discussed downsizing some of our expenses, so that we can continue to live comfortably when she begins her internship this fall and goes part-time at work. Two obvious eliminations: U-verse and smart phones. Again, there's a part of me that would feel freed by not having the option of TV and internet on my phone, while another part feels uncomfortable. Besides, it's not like we wouldn't have the internet and still be able to stream Netflix. It's not like I don't have 3 gaming systems in the house (four if you count the PC) if I wanted to play games. And most importantly, it's not like I don't have 100 other things competing for my interest (music, reading, home projects, RPGing, becoming more physically active, etc.).